Bloghalla - Blog Courageously

It all started this morning, Nov 4th; Election Day. I slept “ok” and had no problem shaking off the half bottle of Nyquil I drank the night before. All in all, it was already a successful day. Long story short, I found myself sitting at my desk at exactly 8:50am looking at my iPhone in wonderment. I had received a text message on my iPhone. Wait a minute, I don’t use SMS text messages. It’s email or websites for me, baby! Text is for school children and pussies! Maybe pedophiles but don’t quote me on that. Wait! After reading my text message, I know for a fact that pedophiles use them. Go ahead and quote me. The message informed me I could avoid the long lines by voting tomorrow, Wednesday. Woohooo, and extra day and, hopefully, shorter lines! Wait a minute, my “common senses are tingling”. I think this is a fraudulent bit of information sent to me from a pedophile in San Antonio Texas, from someone I don’t know, that forwarded it from someone else I dont’ know, on election day. Hmmm, I wonder if they are Conservatives?

After almost deleting the message, I figured I had better preserve it for future chuckles by making a screenshot. As I was in the process, it hit me. This is a pedophile from Texas trying to disinfranchise me from my, God given, right to vote for the least awful candidate for President of the United States. If anyone is going to make me waste my opportunity there is a long list of people I actually know who can do it and I, myself, am at the top of that list! Without hesitation I posted the screenshot in as many places on the internet as I could think of. Friends of mine were linking to it and spreading the good word. Below is the actual popup message on my iPhone.

On another note, I think a good indicator of how successful you are at something on the internet can be measured by how many times you have been ripped off by someone else. As evidenced by this jackass, you can clearly see my screenshot with the phone numbers blocked out. If you’re reading this, you just protected the criminals (Conservatives?) from prosecution by hiding their information. I think it might make you an accessory to the crime(s).

Jackass’ Website

At the end of it all, I’m sitting here typing this, feeling pretty good about myself and considering taking up a part-time job. That is, being everything to everyone. Just one of the unsung heroes doing his little part in America!

Among my friends, it’s no secret that I can be a bit “critical” of what the TV Executives are deciding we want to watch.  However, I’m a huge fan of the premium cable channel series shows. The late Sopranos and Deadwood from HBO and the, still fresh, Dexter over on Showtime were/are excellent. Having taken a backseat to Showtime (in my home), HBO has pulled off something that had me thinking, “You gotta be shitting me! A series about Vampires.” Yes, Vampires!

We join the show, for me, in episodes 1 and 2, hot off the DVR last night. (When I should have been sleeping.) True Blood starts off in an America where Vampires have (I am not making this up), “come out of the coffin”, and apparently, “just want to fit in”. Well, they want to fit into the “after sunset social scene”. In this world, technology has created a perfect synthetic blood called True Blood, that can be purchased in (so far as we know) bars and convenience stores.  Thus, vampires don’t have to feed on humans and can now cohabitate with the mortals.  As much as I’m liking the show so far, I have a couple of issues with the believeability of the story.  Here’s why.

Goodbye lateshift for all you mortals. Firstly, vampires are strong and fast. Our first vampire, Bill Compton,  (Not Count William Compton IV or anything like that) kills a couple of people, saving his mortal, telepathic, fine as hell, girlfriend, and makes it look like they died when a tornado hit their mobile home. What I’m saying is it would only take 1 or 2 of them to do the work of 20 people. Unemployment, depending on how many of them file for social security numbers, could be off the charts.

They are being oppressed and persecuted. Yeah right! In this show, they are hunted an “drained” for their “narcotic/aphrodesiac-like” blood and treated much like a minority. Folks using words like “you people” and “your kind”. This would never happen. Even out in the sticks with a dive-bar full of like-minded, biggoted vampire hating rednecks to back you up. One of the guys could clean house. For “hatin’ on vampires”, I’m calling bullshit!

In summary, they’ve done a lot of good stuff with this one. I think HBO has found a much overdue winner in True Blood. Now, if this series ends with a “switch to black”, I’ll put a stake in HBO, in my house. You heard me!

I’m not going into much detail for Part - I. Here I will summarize all of the ghost hunting programs on TV (you pick) in this stunning reenactment of two intelligent mid level managers for a large corporation at the water cooler. (If intelligent people actually watched these shows)

Bob: Filling a tiny paper cup with water, “Fred, did you catch the <insert show name here> last night?”
Fred: “Not all of it. My smoking hot trophy-wife has been pestering me for sex for weeks and I couldn’t put it off any longer. Soooo, I slam dunked her one. Fill me in on the first 6 minutes. What did I miss?”
Bob: “Well, they went into a creepy building really late at night. And one of the guys, after an hour or so, thinks he sees something on his camera. Turns out, it was nothing. Then, a little later, another aguy and psychic think they see something. Turns out, it was nothing.”
Fred: “Shit! Sounds like I missed a lot. I came in right as they were coming back from a commercial and the one guy thought he heard something on his tape recorder and felt an inexplicable cold breeze and heard tapping and footsteps and felt sick and dizzy and a floating full torso apparition (FTA for those of you in the industry) pointing at the door and holding a sign that read, Get the Fuck Out!”
Bob: “Ooooh! I saw that part! I was so bummed when it turned out to be the light reflecting in from the street. I thought, this is it! I’m gonna see a ghost this time! Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Fred: “I know! I know! Next week’s episode looks awesome. They’re going to go into a creepy library at night and ask a bunch of questions directly to the ghosts. Questions like, Why are you here?, Are you trying to communicate with someone?, If you can hear me, tap 3 times or move something. Those guys have big hairy ones, I tell you.”

To be continued….